Again with the Yardstick List

.........So how are you doing on your Yardstick List?

If you don't normally follow my blog, this is the list of characteristics and traits that you want to see in your child as they grow up. Like as they grow up the yardstick in height are they changing in character, or you teaching or modelling traits that are representative of a Christ Follower?

So, have you made your list?

Have you developed some sort of strategy to teach these traits?

Are you and your spouse both working on the same Yardstick List together?

I found a new book that I think will help parents develop their list and the strategy to move forward on it.

Revolutionary Parenting by George Barna

Great for couples to go through together. It also has a workbook, and a leader's guide to lead a small group through together. Great stuff!

Smelling like Jesus

It's Spring...........things are budding. It is beautiful to the eyes. It feels good to the skin for the temperature to be warmer. I hear people talking about opening their windows and enjoying fresh air. But for me - it is like walking through a haunted house. There is something waiting to be sucked up my nose and send me into a sneezing fit! The outside looks scary. You see, I have allergies. What is beautiful and fun for most - holds the potential for a migraine or coughing attack.
Because of my history of allergies, I tend to stay inside. I don't want to let my senses experience the spring time. Because of my history, I don't trust the air outside! Maybe I should just become the bubble lady!

2Co 2:14 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. 2Co 2:15 For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, 2Co 2:16 to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?

I thought of my allergies as I read 2 Corinthians a while back. You see, we are supposed to be the fragrance of God to our neighbors and friends. It should be the sweet fragrance of spring. But sometimes:

• We aren't sweet.
• We don't help people see the beauty of God.
• We don't look or smell like God at all.

The result is that we make people hurt - like my allergies do to me. Then our friends, neighbors, and our children become afraid to experience God again.

I don't want to be an allergen fighting against the aroma of God. I want to truly look, feel, and smell like Jesus. I want people - especially my family - to be drawn to God because of the way I treat them.

So how do I fully take on the aroma of God.........................

2Co 2:14 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.

God help me:

• let you lead me
• let you fill me
• to spend time with you and get to know you better
• to take on your aroma
• to smell like Jesus all the time
  

As Different As They Can Be

We have 3 kids. They are as different as they can be.

• One is quiet, compliant, loving, and cares for others.
• One is direct, rational, to the point, and yet very giving.
• One is funny, friends with everyone, loyal, and truly loves people.

We have 3 kids. They are as different as they can be. They are all Aggies - whoop! They have all approached their school work and careers totally differently. They all have a relationship with Christ - WooHoo!! They all followed a different path to start that relationship.

• One felt the love of God and how He had made her so special..........and that led her to faith.
• One saw his sin and need for salvation .............and that led him to faith.
• One craved a relationship with Christ.........and that started her faith walk.

We have 3 kids. They are as different as they can be. Thinking about the 3 paths they took to start their walk with Christ, made me realize how important it is to offer children the truth of God in many forms. You don't know which is going to strike a cord in their heart. You don't know which is going to be the "lightbulb" for each one of them. They are not cookie cutters of you, so don't assume they will accept faith as you did. God created each one of them individually, so don't assume their relationship with Christ will look just like yours does.

We as parents must not assume our children will follow our faith path. We must not assume that what sparked our journey will spark theirs.

• We as parents must share the truth of Christ with our children in many different ways: relationally, as a product of God's love, as an answer for our sinful nature, as God's perfect plan from the beginning, .............. You don't want to miss the one that resonates with each of your children.
• We must be creative as we show our children our Heavenly Father by using many different mediums - books, poetry, nature, art, music.

We have 3 kids. They are as different as they can be. In every aspect of life, they will see the world differently. They will choose a different path. They will relate to us differently. And that is just as it should be! God is a creative God. He made each of us special and different. I don't think He expects us to all follow the same path. I think He enjoys meeting each of us in different ways and different places.

The lesson.............recognize and then enjoy your kids differences.

Psa 139:13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
Psa 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psa 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Psa 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.

Mrs. Lisa and the Terrible, Horrible.................

Have you ever read the book: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst? It is a great children's book - one of my favorites. It helped me laugh at bad days. I could relate to the book, because I have bad days, my kids had bad days, my guess is that you do too. In fact, today could be a bad day..............

I awoke this morning to the sharp pains of what felt like a dagger being turned in my eye - the left one. Movement hurts, breathing hurts, and besides that I'm ticked off that I have to go through the day - a very busy one - with the dagger slowly moving into my brain and then down to my ear. This stinks! How am I supposed to do all the important things I have to do today with this going on???

And then I remembered................I'll do it like I do every day, with God's help. He could take the pain away today - and then again, He may not..........He is God after all. But what I'll learn is, that if I depend on Him and give Him my day from the very beginning.........whatever needs to be done will be done and done well. This is a lesson I need daily. This is a lesson my kids need to learn.

My first action this morning.......as soon as I opened my eyes was to close them again. "God you know all these things that must happen today........I need your help. I can't do this alone."

You know I kind of needed the headache today to remember where my strength comes from. Wouldn't it be great if I could do that every morning without a headache ......................................................Wow, that's crazy talk! Must be the dagger talking!
But maybe............


Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.
(Psa 37:5 ESV)

Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.
(Pro 16:3 ESV)


The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
(Psa 28:7 ESV)


But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.
(Psa 59:16 ESV)


The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
(Psa 118:14 ESV)


"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."
(Isa 12:2 ESV)

Love Your Spouse

Love the dog out of your spouse!

• Whether it is Valentine's Day or not............love the dog out of your spouse!
• To give your child security in the home..........love the dog out of your spouse!
• To show your child how to love others...................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To follow God's command.......................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To be the best spouse you can be.....................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To be the best parent you can be.....................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To spice up your sex life.............................love the dog out of your spouse!
• The answer to most marital questions........................love the dog out of your spouse!

Use Valentine's Day as a reminder, but not a boundary for your love and actions of love. Love your spouse better than you love yourself, serve your spouse constantly, and praise your spouse as you talk to others - that is how you love the dog out of your spouse! So love your spouse without bounds - all year long........forever and ever!

Give your child the gift of love - not just to him/her; but the gift of loving your spouse too.

Make Room for Daddy

To all moms out there.....................

Are you creating an environment where your PeeWee

• can respect his father? Do you respect him? Do you present him to your child in a way that shows respect and paints the best picture of him that you can?
• can spend time with her father? Do you make it possible for Dad to be a part of your young child's life? Do you plan special "Daddy times" or re-arrange your day to make sure he is a part of it?
• can love his father, by loving him yourself?

I think God created the family - a mom and a dad. Both parents bring a unique set of skills into raising a child - and both are needed for a child to grow. I think we as women are guilty sometimes of taking over both roles. In the beginning babies are more dependent on their moms, but we women forget to create an environment where both parents are needed and respected and a vital part. We overstep our bounds.

This last week we had Donuts with Dad at PeeWee School. There were tons of Dads and Grandfathers in the building. It was great! Most of them are never seen around here because mom does the carpooling. But it was a special time for these PeeWees to show off to their dads. Good for you PeeWee School moms that made sure Dad got the invitation and marked his calendar. Good for you for taking an extra responsibility that morning so Dad would be free to come. Good for you for giving your PeeWee that special time.

Moms are important, don't get me wrong. But every child needs a female and a male role model, love, and companionship. Don't sell your spouse short...........don't sell your child's father short.........don't try to be both.

**Disclaimer.............I realize, some Dads do not live up to their responsibilities. I realize that some Dads are absent. I realize that some Moms are forced to take on both roles, and I realize that is very hard to do - so way to go for staying the course.

For most of you....................Give Dad a chance...........Make room for Daddy!


Saturday is the Valentine Making Party........wouldn't it be great for your PeeWee to have Mom and Dad both there???????

Laugh a Little

Kids truly say the darnedest things! I feel so blessed in my job, because I'm around small children all the time. I'm able to talk to them and mainly listen to them a lot. They make me laugh.....a lot! I'm also blessed in that you parents send me funny stories from your kids a lot. Thanks! I love it! I love to laugh........and kids make me laugh.

I was just reading a great story by e-mail from a friend and her 6 year old. It reminded me of stories from my kid's childhood. I won't share them............too many for this space..........and besides, they would hate me for it. But I did write them down. I kept baby books and calendars when my kids were preschoolers. We have buckets of stories and pictures and awards from their school years. This summer we cleaned out the attic and spent days reading the stories and laughing so much.

So I want to challenge you preschool parents:

• Laugh, laugh, laugh.............enjoy your kids. They are funny. They need to see the joy they bring to you. So laugh at some stuff.
• Document, document, document............journal..........write, save the stories. You will be surprised how quickly the mind fails and you begin to forget. Save the stories.
• Share, share, share...........with close friends and with your child's consent. Don't embarrass your child by telling everyone everything, but share with close friends and family.
• Tell me................I love to hear stories of my PeeWees and I love to laugh.
  

Life goes by quickly........cherish the moments........and laugh a little. Parenting doesn't have to be all serious business. God gave us a sense of humor and the ability to laugh, so enjoy His creation!

Lifelong Friendships

As you made your Yardstick List for your child/children.........did you list something about friends? I know I always did. I wanted my children to be good friends, to have good friends, to know the joy of having someone to lean on and laugh with, to be able to go through life with someone and not be alone..........

I think God created us to crave friendship, to not want to be alone, to need the help of a friend.
Ecc 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.
Ecc 4:10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Parenting is hard work. You need the help of a friend. I have had many acquaintances, but I was blessed with 3 lifetime friends that helped me through hard times in my parenting and celebrated the happy times of my parenting. Even when I have moved away from them - the friendship remained. One of these friends was with me when my father died, 2 of these friends were with me as I gave birth to my children, and all 3 were at the wedding of my oldest daughter last month. Of the 3, one is more like a sister to me than the others, but all were there for me; and I know that all of them will be there for me when I need them.

The values of parenting with close friends are:

• Sharing the struggles
• Laughing together
• Learning together
• Giving your children other adult role models
• Having someone to lean on

And the list goes on......................

If you are parenting alone right now, pray for God to send you a friend. Pray for someone who shares your likes and passions, someone you will enjoy spending time with, but also someone who will challenge you in your Faith Walk. Pray for someone who has the same values and ideals as you do. Pray for someone whose Yardstick List is similar to yours. Pray for a friend.

Then begin to be a friend to others. Begin to develop friendships. Take a risk and talk to someone. Take a risk and let someone know you.

If you are not currently in a Small Group setting studying the Bible with others, join a Small Group. At Clear Creek Community Church you can get involved in a Small Group through Grouplink.

Talk to other parents when you drop off and pick up your child at church or preschool. Attend family events at church or preschool. In PeeWeeVille next month we will host a Family Valentine Making Party - February 7 9am-11am. This is a great chance for you to interact with other families of Preschoolers at our church.

Make some good lifelong friends for your sake as a parent, but also for your PeeWee. Be the example to your child of how to be a friend and the value of friendships.

I received an e-mail from a woman last week who was disappointed that she hadn't made any friends at our church. I hate that too, but as I talked to her I realized that she hadn't made any effort to meet anyone or put herself in a position to get to know others. Friends will not fall in your lap! You must prepare yourself to be a friend and then practice being a friend. But oh, the beautiful flowers that will grow in that garden if you put the effort in the beginning.

Ready, set, go........

2008 is almost gone. Tomorrow begins 2009! What is going to be different in 2009? What are you going to do different? How will your parenting change as your PeeWee will be growing older? Are you ready for 2009?

We really have to be ready for 2009 - it will begin tomorrow no matter. So, for the last time this year I'm gonna ask you - Have you made your Yardstick List yet???

• My challenge to you is to begin 2009 not only with your list of what you would like to see in your child when he grows up, but also a plan. As you go through this next year of parenting, plan teaching moments to teach each of the values on your list. Also, be sensitive to teaching moments that just happen in daily living with your PeeWee and seize them.
• Look at your Yardstick list often. Update it........add to it..........highlight the values you have purposefully taught this year. Watch your wonderful little PeeWee grow into a child who honors God, and is growing not only on the yardstick, but also in his faith and his "get-along-with others-ness". Help her become the very best she can.
• Journal......the successes, the growing pains, the fun stuff, and the dirty stuff. Create for your child a book of memories.
  
• Throughout the year, read your journal. Sometimes we can't see the successes because we are lost in the trees of the every day. So let your journal give you a look at the overall forest that is your PeeWees growth. Sometimes you need that just to keep going and know that you are making a difference. Sometimes it will give you courage, sometimes some laughter and a smile.

Get ready! 2009 is only hours away! Parenting is more important than parties, schedules, work, and all the other things you will plan for this week - so spend some time planning it today.

Parenting with the Book

Sweetest story from yesterday in PeeWeeVille.........a dad came in to buy a Bible for his son. I think it was a Christmas present. What a great Christmas present! But the sweet part was that the dad had committed to read his Bible every day in 2009, and he wanted to read to his son at the same time. That is parenting!

When I was in college studying education, I learned all about how important it is to read to children. How important it is for children to see respected adults reading. How all of these factors shape a child's reading skills before they even begin to decipher words.

That is what made this story sweet........not only was this dad helping his son become a reader. But more importantly, he is going to help his son become a reader of the Bible.........a student of God.........a learner in the ways of Christ..........This dad was taking a very big first step in helping his son grow a strong faith for himself, by reading the Bible as an example, and by reading the Bible to his small son.

Whewwwwwwwww for an educator's heart - that was amazing. That is parenting.

By the way, here are some suggested books and kid's Bibles:

• My First Study Bible
• The Big Picture Story Bible - by David Helm
• Parenting with Scripture - by Kara Durbin
  

From Mary Janes to a Wedding Dress

I hope you have made your Yardstick List. If not, I beg you to make it quick. You would be so surprised how fast your PeeWee will go from wearing shiny mary jane shoes to fancy wedding shoes!

For the last two weekends I have watched the parade of PeeWees dressed in their Christmas outfits waltzing through PeeWeeVille ready to sing on stage. I love it! Sunday, I literally closed my eyes and was taken back to a day that didn't seem long ago when my three were all dressed in coordinating outfits. My son looked so handsome in his Christmas sweater and khakis. The girls with shiny shoes and twirly dresses. I love mary jane shoes - every little girl should have a pair! But then I was rushed out of my daydream abruptly as I saw two of my kids walk into PeeWeeVille and they are both taller than me! Neither had mary janes or fancy clothes on, and the worst part.............they were adults! How.......when........did that happen!

One day you too will be old like me. Your kids will be all grown up. Will you have a yardstick list complete? Will it even be on paper? Will your kids look like the result of your yardstick list? We can't know the future. We can't really change the future. And our kids have their own freewill, so we can't make them be anything really. But we can do our best as parents to steward them as the gift from God that they are. We can have a plan, and in our imperfect way attempt to teach and train them as God commanded us to. One day........hopefully when I'm much older..........I'll stand before God and be accountable for my parenting. I won't be accountable for my kids' actions, but I will be accountable for the way I trained, taught, parented them. Do you have your list yet? Do you have a plan?

My oldest daughter gave up her mary janes many years ago. In a couple of days she will put on fancy white shoes and the most beautiful white gown. She will walk down the aisle and become Steven's wife. I blinked and it happened. She isn't playing dress up.........this is for real. Did I do my best? Did I teach her all I could. Did I fail miserably as a parent? These are my questions and concerns. It went too fast..........I need more time...........If only I could............

Your child is growing out of his/her shiny shoes faster than you think. Make a plan. Make a yardstick list today.

The Yardstick List

If you go in my garage, you will see lots of marks up one wall. They all have a label - someone's name and age and the date. You will also see a pen yardstick beside them. It was such a big deal for my kids to measure themselves and watch themselves grow up the wall. Mark and I are marked there also. It was a true milestone when they each passed me up! There are even a few friend's names on the wall - some of those close friends of our kids that became "adopted family members". One day when we move out of this house, those marks will be the hardest to leave behind.

Just as we mark our children's physical growth, we should also mark their spiritual and social growth. Just like they won't stay little physically, we don't want them to stay small spiritually or socially either. The goal for all parents is to raise fully functioning adults.

Physical growth is fairly easy to plan. Feed them, keep them healthy, and have regular check-ups. But spiritual and social growth............how do we plan for that?

Make a list. Just like you know you want your child to grow larger, you should have in your mind what they need to be like as an adult. Make a list of all the traits you would like to see in your child when they are an adult.

For the last month we have had a survey on this blog of what you want your PeeWee to be like as an adult. Only a few of you responded, but the results were: trustworthy, compassionate, and happy. This may be the beginning of your list. Now what are you going to add to it? What traits do you want to help your PeeWee develop? What traits will help them succeed as an adult? What is the most important thing you want your PeeWee to have or learn?

So my challenge to you as parents is, make your yardstick list. Make a list of qualities you would like to see grow in your PeeWee as your PeeWee grows up the yardstick. Do it together. Write it and save it and use it as a teaching map. Do it today, because every day your PeeWee moves further up the yardstick. Without a yardstick list, you are parenting blindly and without purpose. You are leaving your child's spiritual and social development to chance. Make your list.

The Recliner

We have a recliner. It's a Lazyboy. It's old and tattered and stained and blue.......and warm and cozy and perfect and full of memories. We rocked all of our babies in it. I nursed all of them in it. We read to all of them in it. We watched TV in it.........the list goes on. As old as it is, I'm hoping it lasts for me to rock my grandbabies in it!

We have a recliner. It's a Lazyboy. It's old and tattered and stained and blue.......and warm and cozy and perfect and full of memories. We bought it when I was pregnant with our oldest child. We moved it to 3 different states. We spent many nights in it with sick kids. We rocked our children every night for about 10 or so years in it. We missed it when we lived without it for a year. We moved it to College Station when our children began their lives as Aggies, so they could take a little piece of home with them. We still have a recliner. It's a Lazyboy. It's old and tattered and stained and blue.......and warm and cozy and perfect and full of memories.

Our hope as parents is that our kids remember the good and forget the mistakes. Remember when we were "getting it" as parents and forget the times we were wrong. Remember warmth and are drawn to the family when they go away. Is there something - a tradition, a habit, a phrase, a piece of furniture, a book............that feels like "home" for your kids? I'm sure there is. All families have them. Take hold of your "recliner" and don't give it up. Make it a habit to do a warm and cozy memory making thing every week with your PeeWees for as long as they will let you.

I asked my kids what they thought of when they thought of the recliner. I wanted to make sure the memories weren't just mine. After 22 years with the recliner, they said:

• comfort, peace, calmness
• sleep, relaxation, massages
• Whenever I was sad or anything, Dad would rock me in the rocker and play with my hair and scratch my back.
• I remember rocking Maggie to sleep when she was a puppy.
• Mom and I would rock and wait for my bus to come.
• We would massage Dad's back and brush his hair.

They may not remember everything that I remember. But they do remember.............We have a recliner. It's a Lazyboy. It's old and tattered and stained and blue.......and warm and cozy and perfect and full of memories. Do you?

Is Your PeeWee From Mars???

I saw some Martians in PeeWeeVille last week. They looked like this:

• A 2 year old crawled on all 4's all the way out of the building


• A 4 year old stood and made the loudest, most annoying sound possible for about 60 seconds straight, paused, then did it again, over and over.....


• A 3 year old cried to get out of the classroom, then cried to get back in


• Another 3 year old proudly announced to everyone in the hall: Mommy, I didn't bite anyone today!


• A 2 year old gritted her teeth, then pushed her friend down the slide


• A Walker with his right thumb in his mouth, and his left pointer in his nose


• A Walker who cried for his Dad and then cried harder when Dad arrived to take him home.

Kids can be weird. Kids do act like aliens from another planet. Kids can make you say:

• Why did you do that?


• What made you think that was a good choice?


• Where did you learn that?


• Why did you do that?


• Are you serious?

But when you stop and think about it.........they are pretty new to this planet. Preschoolers are months - maybe 4 years out of the womb, and we expect them to walk, talk, eat, potty, act like humans, and not be strange. I've been 48 years on this planet, and I still do things that make me go........seriously I can't believe I just said that.

Sometimes we need to give kids and each other the space to grow and mature and be who God created us to be. Sometimes we need to guide this growth. Sometimes we need to marvel at the wonder of God's creativity that we are all different and a little strange sometimes. Sometimes we need to correct Martian behavior because it is bad behavior. Sometimes these Martian outbursts provide the perfect opportunity to love on our kids and be thankful they landed in our family.

That is the hard job of parenting, deciding which to do, and then following through with it. How do you know which to do?

• Is it hurtful to someone else? Then correct it
• Is it cute or funny to others? Then laugh and go on, which sometimes means getting over your pride issue.
• Will it prevent him from being the adult God created him to be? Then show him a better way to behave or communicate.
• Is it inappropriate for her age? Then help her to put the behavior behind her and grow a little.

Is your PeeWee ever from Mars?

Simple Lessons

Yesterday I witnessed some very brave parents. I was watching the counter where new parents register. These parents were amazing. They confidently listened as the security procedures were explained. They looked around the building and made a quick assessment of cleanliness and orderliness. Then came the amazing part............with confidence, they

• said goodbye to their precious PeeWee
• gave hugs and told them they would have fun
• left.......and went into the adult service to listen and learn themselves

And perhaps the best lesson they taught their PeeWee that day........TRUST because they returned! Those PeeWees were so blessed to have parents like that. Those PeeWees learned about God in an environment they were comfortable in because their parents had blessed it. Then, they learned trust, because mom and dad returned just like they said they would.

Wow.........lots of lessons in a seemingly simple exchange. That is the life with PeeWees. Lessons in every simple exchange and every simple activity, every single day.