Taking Care of My Mom

My Father-in-Law had a mild stroke yesterday. He is doing great. But what a scare!

It reminded me how important Grandparents are to families. My kids adore their grandfather - he makes them laugh a lot.

I also thought about how children learn how to care for their parents by watching their parents care for their grandparents. My kids are gonna care for me like I care for my Mom.

How do you care for your parents? Is that what you want as you age? Just a thought.........

It's Roland or You

It was 1969. I was in the 5th Grade - yes, I'm old! I sat behind Roland Rodriquez. I was a sweet little 5th grader, raised in church - very naive. Roland opened my mind - maybe not in a good way. He taught me all kinds of 4 letter words - complete with definition, spelling. He definitely expanded my vocabulary! Which is funny because I don't think he did very well in school himself. My parents would never have talked to me about the things Roland talked to me about. They definitely never used those words. I really didn't think they did those things...........(of course I'm the baby of 4 girls..........maybe they did just 4 times by accident.??...) All day long I sat at my desk spellbound learning new things from my friend. I learned it all at the age of 9 at school - and that was way back in 1969!

I've had a couple of conversations with PeeWee parents in the last week about SEX - not really about sex, but about things of the world that they didn't want their child exposed to -yet. These conversations reminded me of my friend Roland.

As a parent you want to protect your child from worldly adult things - and you should. As a parent, you don't want to use the word sex and your child's name in the same sentence. It creeps you out. You want to avoid. You want to wait. Especially PeeWee families think they have plenty of time to talk about that subject.

Whether you are ready or not, your PeeWee sees people at the store and in the neighborhood. Whether you are ready or not, they talk to other children that may not be raised in a home like yours. Whether you are ready or not, there is someone in your life that:

• Is divorced
• Is living with someone they aren't married to
• Is pregnant
• Is getting married
• Is married

All of these subjects bring questions to a child's mind. Most of these involve sex. Now, believe me, I'm not a proponent of exposing small children to adult subjects. But I do believe that as a parent you need to be entering conversations about marriage and family with your PeeWee. You need to help them see what God says about these subjects. You need to make sure that they know that you are available to talk about these subjects with them. One day they will have really deep questions and concerns - who do you want them to ask then?

Roland or you?????????

There is a reason I remember his name 40 years later, because I only had 1 class with him that year. He played a role in my life.......he wasn't chosen by my parents.........but he played that role. In 1969, you didn't talk about that stuff.

Today..........there are a wonderful set of books that help you start those conversations. The wonderful thing is that they are written from a Biblical perspective. They are not crude, and they present God's perfect plan. They can help you talk to your children about the fallen world we live in and God's plan in all of it. They help you celebrate with your PeeWee the beautiful way God created each one of them. God's Design for Sex is a set of 4 books. Each is written for a specific age child. I recommend all parents get them and use them at the appropriate times.

Remember..........it's Roland or you?

Your choice............

Discipline Part 2: Are You a Slot Machine?

Ever been to Vegas? Go ahead and admit it.......I will. The slot machines fascinate me - and so do the people sitting at them! You become mesmerized by the spinning fruit. You continue to put money in even with no reward..........because there is always the hope of a reward. If you get 1 prize, you will be motivated to continue trying because there is a chance it will happen again. Sporadic rewards can be very motivating for behavior to be repeated.

Did you know that you can be like a slot machine to your PeeWee? Your random punishment is like the random rewards from a slot machine. It is kind of reverse reward. Your PeeWee is willing to take a chance that you aren't going to discipline her this time - so she continues to do the same behavior.

So actually random punishment, is really a reward. It feeds the excitement of the behavior slot machine, and keeps the PeeWee pulling the arm over and over. If you aren't going to consistently punish bad behavior - don't bother to punish randomly - you are getting the same result either way.

Unplug the slot machine............and become consistent. Do what you say you are going to do every time.

James 5:12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

Discipline Part 1: Your Child the Scientist

Remember the Scientific Method? That thing you documented when you did science experiments. Did you know that it is a natural learning technique? All those years in science and you thought the whole idea was so foreign - you really knew about it from birth; and even practiced it from birth. I'm not kidding! Let me show you what I mean.........

Hypothesis - experiment - note results - draw a conclusion

Everything your child does is an experiment - the results are written in his memory - he draws conclusions about the world around him based on these experiences. Let me show you what I mean..........

Experiment#1 - Grab something that is a no-no

2 Different Results Could Happen:

• Mom says no and takes away ~ Conclude that this didn't work
• Mom trades the no-no for a toy ~ WooHoo :) That worked beautifully!

Experiment#2 - Take a toy away from a friend

2 Different Results Could Happen:

• Mom says no and takes away ~ Conclude that this didn't work
• Mom lets you keep the toy and gives the friend another ~ WooHoo :) That worked beautifully!

What did your PeeWee learn today? Or maybe I should say.......what did you teach your PeeWee today? Without planning to, if you use the 2nd result, he now knows the fastest, most efficient way to get a toy. Whereas, with the 1st choice of results, he will eventually experiment with asking nicely - and then learn this is the best way to get a toy.

Sometimes one experiment that ends negatively is all that a child needs to reach a conclusion. Some PeeWees want to complete the same experiment over and over hoping for a different result. It is very important that the same lesson is learned each time, so be consistent.

Remember Consistency is your friend!

Parenting Lesson: look at the end result of an encounter..........what did my child learn from this. You may be teaching lessons that you don't even realize. Some of them may be counteracting your intentional lessons. Just something to think about.........

Gig 'Em Kids!

School is about to start ...... again. You would think I would get used to it after all these years. You see I taught 1st grade for 5 years, preschool for another 4......... I've directed a preschool for 8 years now........ I've sent 3 children off to school for the last 18 years! So, (counting my school years) - for the last 44 years, I've enjoyed the excitement of the first day of school. I love new beginnings, fresh starts, new notebooks and backpacks and lunch boxes and cool new pens.

In the next couple of weeks I will enjoy the newness of:

• Another year of PeeWee School
• My daughter's 2nd year of teaching
• My college kids' new semester

Which are all very exciting and good................but the next few days will be a little sad too.

Haleigh drove off this morning. :( With the wind in her hair she set off to conquer another semester of college. She is so smart and witty......... and she is gonna do great. She is headed off to where she is supposed to be......... it is a good thing. She spoiled me all summer with her time. We laughed - mostly at me. We watched movies. We ate together. We talked. But now she is gone.

Drew is home right now. I've missed him all summer - he was busy with a job in Austin. I'm enjoying this week together. But he will leave Sunday. :( He needs to go and finish his degree and be challenged at school and do great things - but I'm gonna miss him.

Sunday Mark and I will stand on the driveway and wave goodbye............like I did today. Then we will proceed to take the house back! It is a good thing. We can get back into our routines and healthy eating. It will be quiet............

Everyone is where they should be........... Marisa and Steven in their house, Haleigh and Drew up in College Station, Mark and I at home. But I will still miss them.

So kids, here are some verses for this new beginning.........from your mother's heart:

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

Psalm 46:1God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.

Gig 'em kids in all you do! Love God more today than yesterday.

Love, Mom

Freakazoid

Well the results of our survey are in.................
Here is what you said you fear the most when it comes to your kids:

1. 3 answers tied for first place: Physical harm, Poor choices, Death
2. Health as the fourth top parental fear you gave.

Those are big things to fear. I know I feared them for my kids...........and I am still concerned and prayerful about all of them even today. I think that probably shows our love for them - at least being concerned about those things. That is what helps us make better choices as their parent. For instance:

• Because I am concerned for my child's poor choices - I am going to teach him right from wrong continually.
• Because I am concerned for my child's physical harm - I'm going to make sure she doesn't play in the street.
• Because I am concerned for my child's health - I'm going to make sure we eat healthy meals.

I think you get it. Concern leads to prayer and wise actions...........fear can lead to paranoia.

• We become paralyzed. We don't want our children to participate in anything or go any where because something might happen.
• We become control freaks. We want to control every aspect of our children's lives.

The good news is............. God is in control, so you don't have to be afraid! God is God and you are not. God loves your kids even more than you do. God is the only one who can truly protect them. We don't have to fear.

Think about Moses' mother. Read Exodus 2:1-10. She wanted to protect her son. She took care to hide him. She took care to make a basket for him and leave his sister to watch over him. But ultimately - she put him in God's hands. God protected him. God provided the Princess to find him. God protected Moses because He cared for him and He had great things in store for him.

God will protect your child too. God loves her and has great things in store for her. So ask Him to help you parent your child. Ask Him to protect your child. Ask Him to show you what to do to be the best parent you can be. And then rest in Him.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psa 94:19 When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

Psa 139:11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"
Psa 139:12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
Psa 139:13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
Psa 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psa 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Psa 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.

1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
1Pe 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Luk 12:22 And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on.
Luk 12:23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.
Luk 12:24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!
Luk 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Mat 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Love Your Spouse

Love the dog out of your spouse!

• Whether it is Valentine's Day or not............love the dog out of your spouse!
• To give your child security in the home..........love the dog out of your spouse!
• To show your child how to love others...................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To follow God's command.......................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To be the best spouse you can be.....................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To be the best parent you can be.....................love the dog out of your spouse!
• To spice up your sex life.............................love the dog out of your spouse!
• The answer to most marital questions........................love the dog out of your spouse!

Use Valentine's Day as a reminder, but not a boundary for your love and actions of love. Love your spouse better than you love yourself, serve your spouse constantly, and praise your spouse as you talk to others - that is how you love the dog out of your spouse! So love your spouse without bounds - all year long........forever and ever!

Give your child the gift of love - not just to him/her; but the gift of loving your spouse too.

Make Room for Daddy

To all moms out there.....................

Are you creating an environment where your PeeWee

• can respect his father? Do you respect him? Do you present him to your child in a way that shows respect and paints the best picture of him that you can?
• can spend time with her father? Do you make it possible for Dad to be a part of your young child's life? Do you plan special "Daddy times" or re-arrange your day to make sure he is a part of it?
• can love his father, by loving him yourself?

I think God created the family - a mom and a dad. Both parents bring a unique set of skills into raising a child - and both are needed for a child to grow. I think we as women are guilty sometimes of taking over both roles. In the beginning babies are more dependent on their moms, but we women forget to create an environment where both parents are needed and respected and a vital part. We overstep our bounds.

This last week we had Donuts with Dad at PeeWee School. There were tons of Dads and Grandfathers in the building. It was great! Most of them are never seen around here because mom does the carpooling. But it was a special time for these PeeWees to show off to their dads. Good for you PeeWee School moms that made sure Dad got the invitation and marked his calendar. Good for you for taking an extra responsibility that morning so Dad would be free to come. Good for you for giving your PeeWee that special time.

Moms are important, don't get me wrong. But every child needs a female and a male role model, love, and companionship. Don't sell your spouse short...........don't sell your child's father short.........don't try to be both.

**Disclaimer.............I realize, some Dads do not live up to their responsibilities. I realize that some Dads are absent. I realize that some Moms are forced to take on both roles, and I realize that is very hard to do - so way to go for staying the course.

For most of you....................Give Dad a chance...........Make room for Daddy!


Saturday is the Valentine Making Party........wouldn't it be great for your PeeWee to have Mom and Dad both there???????